Wednesday 20 January 2010

Eddie Murphy

Now, Eddie Murphy, as far as I am aware, peaked with "Doctor Dolittle" back when I was an infant. That film was the pinaccle of his film career, I mean, it had a drinking monkey, something I've found lacking in all future Eddie Murphy films, and indeed, all childrens' films.

However, for some bizarre reason, people keep putting him in movies despite, as far as I'm aware, the logical progression for a film star of his calibre being "Fade to obscurity, then sitting on a rocking chair in front of a reasonably sized house aged 70, he should tell kids about his film star days".However, sadly, his approach was "Star in movies of gradually decreasing funniness until I die doing a single person film".

With "Meet Dave" and "Norbit" I found Eddie Murphy change from a beloved childhood memory about talking to animals into some sort of horrifying vision of a world inhabited only by Eddie Murphy, so I thought "Hey, I'll watch some older stuff!" but with the exception of Beverly Hills Cop, I found it rather bad. Even Beverly Hills Cop was merely "Acceptable".

I felt I was being perhaps a little hard on the guy, and supposed that, if he made his fame through stand up comedy, that must be his forte, right? Wrong. I watched "Raw" with the sneaking suspicion that Richard Pryor was playing an elaborate practical joke on society and re-releasing his stuff under a new guise(I get that same feeling when watching Chris Rock now, it's like Pryor just left a book full of stuff he was going to say lying around, and black American comedians all get a look).

Doubtless Eddie Murphy will release a new film at some stage, which stars him, and only him, as some insane, poorly thought out character. I could watch that film, I think to myself. Then I realise I would rather take on the world record for "Most kicks taken in the crotch" or perhaps "Most sledgehammer blows endured before succumbing to the ravages of the hammerhead and expiring, a broken wreck".

So this is why I'm not going to see a new Eddie Murphy film, I implore you to think likewise, and society could perhaps point out to film producers that we're not idiots, instead of flooding to cinemas to watch another money-grabbing piece of tosh.

Saturday 16 January 2010

Less of a "Pun"

My sister said she was going on a date to this fancy new restaraunt, and then I said "I thought they didn't let guide dogs in."

Yeah, the guy has a guide dog, therefore he's blind, you see, which is why he would go out with her, see? He didn't, but that's beside the point. Or rather, it is the point, wholly and completely, in fact, it is the whole basis of it.

On a side note, they probably let guide dogs in everywhere. So this is redundant in modern times. Probably not kitchens, actually.

Wednesday 13 January 2010

Dreadful Joke #3

Did you hear about the bear that won the elections? I don't think it was really fair, because the bear had a lot of propopanda.

...Propopanda, yes, you're getting the hang of these now, aren't you?

Tuesday 12 January 2010

Another dreadful joke.

I once stole a candle from a girl in a power outage, and she cried, so the next day I gave it back and said "Look, I'm really sorry" but she was still really torchy about it.

For the terminally stupid, the pun is on torchy. Feel free to deride this latest poor effort via the medium of comments.