Wednesday, 12 January 2011

Political Metaphors Through the Medium of Camels

Camels, as we know, are divided into 2 groups, the Dromedary camels (Single-humped) and the Bactrian camels (Dual-humped). What is less well known, is that these two groups have formed a divisive relationship and frequently get into gang warfare between eachother. It was featured in "Ross Kemp on Gangs".

The Dromes gathered on the dune. They had immediately claimed the high ground, whilst the Bacs had to form a group at the base of the sand-mountain. The Bacs prepared for battle, and pulled out their switch-blades (Since the even-toed ungulates found it hard to use alternative stabbing devices, excluding knitting needles) whilst the Dromes gathered the mental resolve to defend themselves.

Suddenly, from nowhere, a lone Dromedary camel appeared on the horizon, galloping towards the skirmish. "Wait!" he cried, when he was suitably close. "Wait! Look at yourselves! You're camels! What does it matter if we have one hump or two, we're all camels together! How can camels develop without unity!? A united Desert us surely a better Desert!" he exclaimed, because he was a particularly forward thinking camel.

The camels stared at eachother for a moment, when suddenly a Bac spoke out. "Typical Dromedary response to their failing leftist agenda!" and the Bacs murmured in agreement. "This is the expected response of the left-wing!"

A Drome took affront at this, and yelled back "Under Bac leadership, the budget deficits have been huge! Whilst under Drome leadership, the Desert has actually MADE money! You rely on us to keep this Desert afloat!"

Well, the Bacs were taken aback by this attack against their leadership-record, and launched a verbal assault back at the Dromes: "At least our leaders haven't been impeached for sexual misconduct whilst in leadership!"

Well, the Dromes weren't having any of this slander thrown at them, and heartily responded "At least OUR leaders haven't deserved to be impeached! I refer you to resignation of your leader after several key documents were stolen from OUR camel-offices by men in the pay of YOUR leader!"

By now, the original Dromedary who had called for unity had been pilloried on all sides, despite his failing being the failure of the Bacs to agree with his message of camel-unity for a better Desert. So he started break-dancing and spinning on his hump whilst the Dromes and Bacs fought it out in the background.

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