Tuesday, 15 March 2011

Terrible Puns. Terrible. Cataclysmically Bad.

At least, semi-bad news. I just found a full page of job-related puns I appear to have written (It's my handwriting, but I don't remember doing it. Logically I either merely forgot it, or, more likely, was briefly possessed.) so I shall type them out for your eyes now. These really are terrible.

The geology industry rocks! The bakery industry rolls. (Additional point: This joke was actually the moment of inspiration for the "rock cake". True story.)

I tried to break into the padlock industry.

I was going to get an ice cream van, but I thought the business plan was a little too flakey.

I was going to be a plumber, but I heard it's going down the drain, but I hear you could be flushed with success if you manage to tap into the market, but I didn't want to sink any more money into the idea. (Another pun, I had two plumbers working in my room, and they were making a lot of noise, so I asked them if they could "Pipe down". They did not see that as funny. True story.)

I wanted to be a gardner, because I hear they're raking it in. (I hear they're living a leaf of luxury. No? Too bad. Alright.)

I had a new idea for a conical shoe which I thought would take off if only I could get my foot in the door.

I invested heavily in space travel, but it never really took off.

I thought about being a funeral director before someone told me it's a dying trade.

I wanted to learn how to cook, but I didn't have enough Thyme. (Yes, we're nearly at the end now.)

The last one is just a confusing "Rabbit salesman - hare-brained scheme?" and then, curiously, a drawing of a guy sitting at a desk with an eyepatch with the phrase "Retired pirate gets an office job". And also, the pun "ebooleant algebra".

If you thought these were bad I've been sitting on a wealth of "nan" puns for nearly a week now, so look out for that bad boy some time in the future.

I was going to write some jokes about Japan, but I thought I'd be met with a ... wave of disapproval. I mean, everyone else is doing it, it's hardly earth-shattering stuff, but you know, it might have brought the house down. I asked a friend and he said "I hope you Tokyo time writing this stuff. Are you going to Sendai relief package?" and I thought "Maybe I'll wait, it's too Tsu-n. Alright, I Gifu-p.".

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