Saturday, 12 March 2011

Stickin' it to the Man!

This week, I take on large multinational companies who have clearly, to some extent, gone out of their way to infuriate me.

Beginning with my local Tesco, which, aside from only stocking mince in 500 gram packets (That's too much for one person to eat in a single serving of loneliness, thus meaning you must let half of it go off in the fridge before you use it to eat the same meal twice in two days) have decided to stock Orange Squash. "Orange Squash!" thought I, naive to the wily ways of the Tesco empire. "Yum yum." I mumbled to myself, much to the great confusion and general alarm of passing shoppers. But as I reached down to the glowing bastion of orange delight, I recoiled in horror as I saw they had only non-sugar versions of the cordial I so craved. Now, I'm a man for the choice of sugar-free squash, as history shows, but I'm not a fan of the juice itself. Sell the sugary stuff. LET ME LIVE MY OWN LIFE, TESCO.

Then later this week, Google decided to come out to offend me. Now, you may not recall this, but several weeks ago, I wrote a selection of Jew puns. This, surprisingly garnered me some actual traffic from Google, so with a quick google search, I found I come second for the search "Jew Pun". However, if you are to alter that search to "Funny Jew Pun", I get relegated to impossibly far down the list. What are you trying to say Google?! You think my puns aren't funny!? Say it to my face instead of behind the veil of selective search rejection. You make me sick, Google.

That's all who have gone after me THIS week. Stay tuned to see if any more multinational companies take the bait (We're cheerfully glossing over my bank since if I were to begin to describe how far they step out of line to repeatedly kick me in the crotch I would end up with a litany of brutal overdraft charges that would make even Stalin mumble "Steady on, mate, he's only gone overdrawn by a pound. Ease up.").

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