Cricket world Cupsets! And News for non-cricket fans

There's been a few intriguing sporting upsets over the past month. I say that; there's been so many unpredictable wins that one of my nan's is considering having a crack at the WBO Flyweight champion Julio Cesar Miranda, (She's got a good left hook, very much a counter-attacking boxer, solid defensive game but has a tendency to leave her right side exposed in later rounds, especially if she's recently been on the offensive) and my other nan is going to the Lakeside to have a go at the world darts championships (She's got two 9-dart finishes to her name, averages 94 for three darts in practice, has a bit of trouble hitting her doubles to seal the win).

First off, the world of cricket. To say Ireland beating England at cricket was a mere upset would be the understatement of, at the very least, the entire history of mankind. This was an upset of such staggering proportions I would have put my money on a biblical plague striking the field of play before I'd have put money on the Irish side. England had looked semi-competent (Then in this game, they fielded like 4 year olds with some sort of hand-eye co-ordination deficiency, possibly called "England Test Player in the 90s" syndrome), whilst Ireland had already lost to Bangladesh, so Ireland should have played the role of good little associate nation, and been roundly thumped by the test team of England. However, Ireland's Kevin O'Brien forgot his script, and instead of asking for his lines, decided to wing it with a remarkable test century. Certainly one of the better international centuries by someone with pink-dyed hair, along with Jack Hobbs' test centuries (3) in the 1911-12 Ashes tour where he got a pink rinse for a dare on the boat across, and Mrs Slocombe's marvellous test century which she ground out with her opening partner Geoffrey Boycott in 1977 against a formidable Australian bowling attack. O'Brien's was the quickest world cup century ever, and pretty exciting to watch. To put this victory into perspective, thus far, no other associate nation has beaten a test nation. Another associate nation, Kenya, haven't just been hammered by the test nations, they've been glued, nailed, screwed onto a wall and used as a spice rack.

Then, still reeling from the shock of this upset, I watched the rugby this afternoon, fully expecting to see the French stuff the Italians like they were preparing a chicken for a family of 4 and wanted to add a delicious accompaniment for the meal, when another sporting upset of a magnitude I can barely fathom stepped in. The Italians won by a solitary, defiant point, causing what may well be the biggest six nations upset in history. In fairness, they deserved it and France spent the whole game playing fairly poorly. They pulled off a comeback of Lazarus-esque proportions (Or perhaps I should say Kenny Dalglish, since I'm in a sporting mood) to win from 18-6 down. I haven't really got anything else to say. Well done Italy, this is a reward, which I am going to award solely to Sergio Parisse's preposterous passing out of tackles.

The world of non-sporting upsets now, and good news! David Cameron's "Happiness Index" plan is going to go ahead at a cost of £2 million. He said to a packed crowd of reporters outside number 10 "We'll see how happy this nation REALLY is. At a cost of £2 million, they better be happy." and, after some questions he added "No, I don't think nurses should be paid more, not till we know how happy they are.". He says we should focus on how happy we are as a nation, rather than how much we produce (GDP). Coincidentally, this would be the first year a happiness record was taken, guaranteeing that the happiest Britain since records began would be the Cameron government. Also, focusing on happiness instead of GDP sounds sneakily like something someone who's GDP is falling at the fastest rate since 1830 (Possibly longer, earliest records I could find were then) would do.

This is too small to make a big deal of, but Aaron Porter (NUS President) is to stand for the candidacy in Leicester south. For Labour. I'm surprised he didn't elect to try and stand for the Lib Dems, given that they share so much in common, like making promises to students, then reneging on those explicit promises. His campaign thus far has included guarantees of a unicorn in every back garden of his constituents by 2017, greater public transport by griffin, and that Leicester City will win the premier league within 3 years of his candidacy being announced, so inspired shall they be. I look forward to seeing how this pans out.

Made up news

Brian May (Of Queen fame, not any other Brian May you may know of. Don't question any local elderly neighbours who happen to be called Brian May about this) recently finished his Ph.D. in astrophysics. The 13-time Perm-wearer of the year (Between 1974 and 1990. Kevin Keegan won it twice, 75 and 76) said to an adoring crowd "I should never have turned my back on physics. Sure, being a rock god had it's upside, but I feel the world of astrophysics called to me all the time I was in Queen. You could say I'm going from stardom to star-gazing.".

And finally, the light-hearted piece of news that most news shows insist on adding as relief from the never-ending onslaught of disaster that makes up the news, a man has started reading books from the very beginning, in chronological order. He said to the local news, "I've only just started, I'm about halfway through the Epic of Gilgamesh, hopefully I'll be able to get to the early 18th century before I die. I'm looking forward to Homer's works and Virgil's Aeneid, and of course, the Grecian god Kronos, to whom I dedicate my deed." and, later, when he was asked if he pursued everything with such a bizarre chronological bent, he refused to comment, but did say that Duck Soup was a tremendous film and that he once watched all 13 televised World Cup Finals back to back in an epic marathon, and could categorically state that the 1990 final was the worst ever for the neutral.