As part of my recent trend to discuss self-harming with you, I sat down and watched Chris Moyles' Quiz Night. I viewed it with much the same trepidation as I would if I were to sit down and watch a horse trample a man: I feel like I should step in, but I can't do anything.
Glued to my seat with a combination of horror and whatever monstrosity poured out of my arse the second I saw Chris Moyles onscreen, I idly imagined what acts of atrocity I must have spent my past lives committing to culminate in this moment. Initially, I went with "removing the screws from key points on Ikea furniture, causing marriages to fail as quickly as that wardrobe", but then I decided this was nowhere near severe enough to inflict this level of karmic retribution upon me, so eventually, I settled on "Spending a previous life absent-mindedly drowning kittens and beating puppies", which seemed just adequate enough to make Chris Moyles appear on the television.
I will admit, I had a certain morbid curiosity about the show, but then Jimmy Carr went on it and I thought "Hey, it'll have at least one redeeming factor, so I can watch it now!" and, with eager delight, pressed on.
And this delight was, oddly, not massively misplaced. Initially, of course, I found myself almost wishing Peter Sutcliffe was in the room with me, since this would be better justice than any prison sentence, and also, he could possibly kill me and spare me the pain, and probably be more exciting by chasing me around the room, humming the Tetris theme tune to add a sense of peril (Because, obviously, one man chasing you armed with a hammer isn't perilous enough without an eight-bit classic in the background, right?).
Eventually, though, I found myself warming to the show. I believe at one point, I laughed, then glanced furtively around to check no-one had heard this. It would be less embarrassing to admit that I have nightmares where I menstruate than to tell people I laughed at a Moyles joke. However, slowly but surely, throughout the programme, I found myself watching, almost engrossed and becoming slightly enamoured with Jimmy Carr.
Fundamentally, even though my respect for Chris Moyles has gone up at least 60-fold, he can't really carry the show alone, and is so dependant on having interesting or good guests, if the show has terrible guests, it will completely collapse, and fail to work at all, and I imagine, become the hour of television I assumed it would be.
Still, better premise than "The Bubble".