Monday, 22 March 2010

Shockwaves ads

Spotify has recently been advertising some hair gel muck on their music player. This travesty of an advert revolves around the principle that my computer has a magical mirror in it. "Mirror, mirror, in my computer, who's the fairest of them all?" is greeted with a needless advertising campaign along the lines of "Not you, because your hair looks so terrible that children flee from you in parks and women would never talk to someone with hair like that." which is, at best, only mildly insulting. If this ad campaign, along the lines of "You look so crap you need our help to look normal" was for, say, weightwatchers, then INSTANTLY, the Guardian would have an article about how it was damaging to children's self-confidence through the tricky period of puberty and was going to cause heartache, stomach-ache, and eventually showing more ribs than a greyhound and dancing away the hours at some deserted strip club before eventually succumbing to malnutrition.

Fortunately, because it's "Only hair", the Guardian keeps shtoom, preparing for another marked assault on the dangers and perils of bullying, or something.

Luckily, however, I'm not alone in this opinion, and after a very brief google search came across another blog intimating exactly my concerns. Infact, there are loads, all offering an "Open letter" to Spotify/NME/shockwave. Feel free to google search it if you don't believe (Or use an alternative search engine. No, not Bing, I said "Alternative" not "Completely useless Bing". Damn Google, so ubiquitous) . Infact, I'm going to idly link you to one with swearing.

Here's my opinion of an "Open letter"

Dear Spotify,
Your marketing campaign caused me to kill myself because no one likes me because my hair is astonishingly weird. Women slapped me just for not wearing a bag over my head. Your ad made me stunningly aware of the countless untold miseries my hair has wrought upon my tortured soul. You have freed me from this torment. Thank you Spotify! Now if only spotify advertised razorblades ("Gillette, the cleanest cut an emo can get, guaranteed scar! Interesting ice-breaker! So good they banned it in mental hospitals!") so that they could tie in with their other viral marketing campaigns and I can listen to Journey's Greatest Hit, whilst self-harming and weeping openly because no-one loves me, and I am worthless hateful scum. Thank you for this reminder.

...It's more "Open Letter/Suicide note". What's next Spotify, "Cut your hair, not your wrists"? If you use that, I demand, in form of recompense, a free Spotify premium upgrade so that I never have to listen to such a terrible campaign again.

1 comment:

  1. So is this your way of suggesting that your hair is perfect?