Wednesday, 3 March 2010


Since I left those puns up first for ages, I feel it is time to move on from former glories, and focus on the new elements to life. So here we sit, you and me, idly gazing at eachother, when suddenly, and without apparent cause I vehemently, vociferously shout directly into your poor, unsuspecting face "TWITTER! ARGH!"

You'd probably be rightly confused, but since I find Twitter only slightly less hateful than when a company delibrately sells me an apple juice (Little carton) with a straw that is too short to reach the shoddy goods which lie within aforementioned carton (You may by now, have worked out that this did infact occur, and filled me with a deep rage. The carton was only 25 pence, so it wasn't so much the money wasted, I'd already wasted it by optimistically expecting the juice to be nice, it was the PRINCIPLE. If you're going to sell me something crap, only make it crap one way. I'm so furious, I don't even want to talk about it).

Anyways, Twitter, for those of you who are immune to these new-fangled internet phenomenons, is essentially a person writing things about themselves in 140 characters or less. Now, I would normally launch into an angry tirade about how huge swathes of the population are completely unaffected by the fact you had Coco Pops for breakfast instead of Rice Krispies, and it's really set you up for the day, but since, if you were to boil it down to 140 characters, this is me doing exactly the same thing, that argument would be deeply hypocritical.

In the interests of fairness, I read that Twitter was very helpful for conveying information about the Iran elections at a time when they found other outlets hard to come by. Fair does, however, I find it hard to take genuine news and world events from a website which, when it crashes, cheerfully displays a "Fail Whale". It's very rare I go "Huh, The Times online is down, the fail whale is telling me so."

Twitter is, of course, populated by celebrities. People following them, then going "Wow, Stephen Fry is much less exciting than I imagined him to be". It's always going to be the outcome if someone tells me the mundane, insignificant events of their life, I have to disregard the vast majority of what they say as crap. Celebrities are interesting precisely because I assume between appearing on my TV and irritating me for my licence fee, they do little but eat caviar out of gold dishes and watch the animals in their home zoo.

Twitter is nothing more than the textual equivalent of soundbites. *Sigh*, it's like a blog for people who have very little to say.

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